Want to know how to get your sensitive – but closed off – Cancer man to open up and become more emotionally available? It takes some time, patience, and effort but with the right tips, you’ll soon start seeing results! This water sign has deep feelings, and all it takes is a bit of know-how.
Cancer men can be a mystery. One moment, they’re totally open and available, spilling over with powerful emotion, and the next, closed up as a clam! You’ll soon get to know that he works in cycles, and he has certain triggers.
You’ll also soon realize that all he wants is a supportive, patient, and empathetic partner.
When he feels he has that emotional safety, it’s easier for him to “come out of his shell,” so to speak. Remember, this sign is symbolically the crab, and he often tends to scuttle away when he feels unsafe or threatened!
And, once he feels safe, you’ll soon see that he is the most emotional, “feely,” and in-tune man you’ve ever met! Cancer men have a wealth of emotion in their hearts, and all it takes is the right kind of woman – and some good Astrology tips – to uncover it!
Even if you are together a few years, he does have a tendency to draw back, so here’s how to get your Cancer man to open up, no matter what stage you are at in the relationship:
7 Ways To Get A Cancer Man To Open Up And Become Emotionally Available
1. Make Him Feel Safe With You
The number one thing you have to do to get your Cancer man to open up to your emotionally is to make him feel safe enough to do so.
This may sound a little abstract, so an example gathered from my years of experience as a Relationship Astrologer, would be to not overreact when he shares his feelings with you. In other words, don’t take it personally.
If you can remain subjective, in a supportive role rather than shouting at him, crying, becoming cold or any other major reaction, then he will feel like it’s safe to open up to you more and more. That you are an anchor in the storm, rather than someone he has to tiptoe around.
This also includes, of course, never making fun of him, making him feel small or silly for feeling what he feels. Never sharing his secrets with anyone else, or brush his emotions off as inconsequential.
Once he feels safe with you, it becomes effortless to show you his soft underbelly!
2. Never Try and Change His Emotional Narrative
It’s common for us to want to change the story of his emotions. For example, he may tell you he’s upset because of something you may have done, or someone close to you. If you feel bad, you may want to change his feelings, which undermines him and comes off as non-supportive.
Of course, it’s great to explain your side of the story, but give him space to feel his feelings in the way he needs to. Don’t try to change his narrative – unless it’s completely skewed, of course!
3. Walk A Mile In His Shoes
Empathy is one of the biggest attractive qualities to a Cancer man. He wants to feel that he’s being understood and seen by you, that his feelings have landed with someone who truly “gets” how he must be feeling.
Even if you have never experienced what he’s going through, you can still empathize with his situation, read up on it, and talk to others who have had the same experience to gain insight into his circumstances.
The more empathy you have for him, the easier he will find it to open up emotionally – it’s as simple as that!
4. Time Your Conversations For A Full Moon
Want to know a well-kept secret for getting your Cancer man to open up emotionally? It sounds wacky, but you’ll soon see that it works!
Timing your emotional conversations for the Full Moon is the trick! You see, Cancer is a sign ruled by the Moon, so he’s that much more sensitive to when the Moon is full – when emotions run high for everyone.
You’ll soon see that he’s also more open than usual – do remember to hold space for him, as he can get little “loony” – you never know if he’s going to laugh or cry!
5. Make Him Delicious Home-Cooked Meals
The old saying that goes “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” was practically written for the Cancer man! Particularly meals that remind him of home and his mother.
Your secret weapon to getting under the emotional skin of the Cancer man, is, therefore, finding out what his favorite meal was growing up, and replicating that for him! Trust me, after a few bites of that meal, he’ll be more than ready to get up close and personal with you!
6. Never Confront Or Push Him
Like the hermit crab, Cancer men have a habit of scuttling back into their “safe” place when they feel confronted. Not only do they scuttle back, but they also tend to lash out and get grumpy and defensive when they feel forced to open up.
Asking him how he feels is one thing. Forcing him to open up to you is another. You have to be as calm, gentle, patient, and supportive as you can possibly manage so that he feels safe enough to come out of his hidey-hole and let you know what’s going on.
Read next: The Early Stages of Dating a Cancer Man (And How to Make Progress)
7. Notice His Emotional Cycles & Triggers
One of the most insightful and supportive things you can do to get your Cancer man to open up and show you his true feelings is notice his emotional cycles and his triggers. One cycle that is common to him is the Full Moon, of course.
He also has particular triggers, such as family, which, although is a trigger for all of us, is usually more intensive of a trigger for him – for good or bad.
After seeing his kids, his parents, he’s way more open – or even closed. And it’s at this time that you can be there for him in the best way possible and get him to trust you. You can either gently let him be quiet and inward, or be there for him if he needs to vent.
In conclusion, what the Cancer man needs to most to open up and become emotionally available is simply to feel safe with you. He never wants to feel confronted or pushed, and he needs to know that you’re going to be a non-reactive person and not take things personally.
It does take quite a bit of strength to be that woman for him, but it pays off. He will, in return, become your most loving, supportive best friend and lover when he feels cared for. You’ll also come to know his deep sensitivity and he won’t have a problem being vulnerable with you.
So, take your time with him, ladies. He’s completely worth every ounce of your efforts! Read up on this cautious crab on my blog, Cancer Man Secrets. You can check it out right here.
And if you feel like you need some private guidance on your relationship, I’ve still got a few spots open for my ‘VIP Consultation’ service that you can book here to get instant clarity and guidance. You can book your private consultation here.
Your friend and Relationship Astrologer,
Anna Kovach
Hi Anna need help!
Been seeing this cancer guy for over a year.. long story short we met on dating app he met someone before we got a chance to meet he fell in love with her she played him and she was married went back to her husband blocked him this was over a year ago..
He was nice and sweet but then he became cold.. I don’t know if he is just using me I told him I’m not just for sex if he has no intentions in being with me to tell me
He said he sees a future with me but he wants some time without us arguing and fighting..
Because he goes hot and cold and when he’s mad he tells me he never wants to be with me then he tells me he misses me and it’s just when we argue. Then he will say that I think about the future too much and expect too much
I’m starting to think I’m just here till he’s ready to move on from the other girls
I complained and said we need to do more stuff together we spent the weekend together he made me dinner we went for a drive a walk and then to get some wine and cheese had a nice day and then the next day he went cold and just msgs me before bed saying he needed a night to himself and to just relax
I’m so confused by this guy
Hi Ali!
Yikes… he’s a Cancer man not ready to commit. It sounds like he’s got some baggage he needs to work on before he can be with anyone. I wouldn’t advise a relationship with him until he’s worked on healing himself from the past that way he’s fresh and can be present in a relationship. You do you and make yourself happy. If or when he decides what he wants then he may reach out. Don’t be a second choice or back burner lover. Do yourself a favor and be with someone who will give you all you deserve. He’s just not there and may not ever be. It’s hard to tell until he works on himself. I wish you the best!
i have been dating Cancer man since end of April. OMG i dont’ know if I am coming or going when we are not together.
i think I have screwed this all up. I am a very emotional person. He keeps triggering things in me. I don’t like it. I feel so abandoned when we are not together because i am not a prority to him. But when we talk he totally makes me a piority how do i get him to open up to me.
One minute he is opening up and the next he is closing the door.
Hi lisa!
Alright so to remedy this, you need to start making yourself more of a priority instead of hoping he will do it. When you are completely dependent on someone else’s validations, it makes you insecure when they’re not around to do it. To be a priority to someone else, you have to first be one for YOU. I hope this is making sense. Make yourself happy and don’t always be available for him. You need to get him to chase you a little bit so that there is excitement in the mix. He sounds instable but sometimes space is all he needs. Cancer men themselves are emotional and tend to get overwhelmed. I hope this helps you feel better and get closer to him by relaxing. You can also read my books on Cancer Man Secrets for more tips.
Hi Anna,
my cancer man and I broke off over a big fight. We are (on and off )meeting each other but I feel super insecure. He wants bf benefit but thrz lil effort. Both of us are still holding resentments from the past .Everytime I try to address the issues, he gave the silent treatment.
until one day, he brought up the issue out of nowhere, I felt that it is unfair to be blamed for everything. So, instead of listening to him I got all defensive and this pushed him away for months. Recently, I initiate a conversation to ask how he ‘s doing. He did reply but never continues the conversation. I still like hi. Alot. I’m not sure if I should keep trying or just leave it…..
Hi RiRi!
I think you need to approach it otherwise something else may happen that will break you apart totally. Tell him you’d like to talk and clear the air for the sake of you both. He shouldn’t blame you for everything because he has some responsibility in it too. Both of you have to fess up what went wrong and then work at it together if there is a future. Learn more about Cancer man by checking out my books Cancer Man Secrets.
Hi Anna, I’d like to comment to these other ladies that my Cancer man needs to be understood. He will call me if I don’t call or text him. but if I text him or call then he thinks we have connected and all is well.
He likes his personal space and that is the way he likes it. It doesn’t mean that he is ignoring me.
In our calls, I always ask him if he’s had a good day, and make it about him and he opens up. I have learned not to get offended but to just understand him and encourage him building up his confidence in himself. After he has talked about his activities for a while, I tell him about my day and how I hope we can do something together soon. Cancers like to be in the lead and if he asks you what you suggest, then you can give him your opinions on places to go or things to do.
Let him come to you and just encourage him by telling him how he makes you feel when you’re together. Tell him what you’d like him to do for you, massage your neck and shoulders or stroke your hair. This drives him crazy. He loves intimacy and pleasing you but he has to trust you. Do not try to be the boss. Show him how he makes you feel good. He gets turned on if you are turned on by him. Moan and oooo and ahhh when he touches you. Ask him if you can do something for him. Make it be his show and be receptive and show your satisfaction.
Never argue with him. Just show him you are pleased by his presence. The more you flatter him the closer you will get to taming him. Getting a Cancer man is all about how caring you are about him. Don’t worry about your needs at the present. It will really come back to you when he’s hooked.
Hi Arlene!
Thank you for chiming in with your experience with the Cancer man. It sounds like your formula works well. Not all Cancer men are the same though and so each woman will have to figure out what formula works best for them as well. I hope they all find success as you have sweetheart. I wish you all the best with your Cancer guy!
Hi Anna,
I’ve been with my cancer man for 9 years. We live together and he says and introduces me as his wife. I’ve caught him cheating and he still seems to not know how to communicate and i feel he lies alot. I’m a virgo woman and communication is love to me. He gets defensive and I end up feeling even worse then before I attempted to talk with him. My feelings are all over the place but most certainly painfully hurt. He acts as if he has done nothing and doesn’t want to discuss the situations. I’m at a point where I’m leaning towards leaving because i feel he is cruel. He says he wants to earn me back and marry me and that I’m the only woman he loves and wants to be with. I’m confused and damaged what I should do or believe at this point. I’m a very loyal and empathetic understanding person. I feel stupid and embrassed. And that my kindness is mistaken for weakness. He has damaged & mishandled my heart and I’m growing tired emotionally..and tired of all his shady dealings that have damaged our relationship..help understanding and clarity is needed
Hi Dom,
As a woman, you must decide if what he did was forgivable or not. Was he doing it just for sex because you weren’t giving him any? If so, then maybe you can work it out with him and see to it that he’s satisfied and won’t look again.
You’ll have to keep him happy all the time, though, so that he doesn’t feel as though he needs to stray again. Is that something you can live with and work to aspire to? Is he really worth that effort?
If he cheated with someone he actually developed feelings for, it may mean he doesn’t respect or love you anymore like he once did, and he just hasn’t admitted it to you.
Whatever the scenario may be, you need to decide if you’re willing to forgive him. If you know you can’t, it may be time to let go. If you can, you need to put your foot down and tell him no more of that. Only time will tell if you can trust him again or not. Best of luck to you!