Cancer Man Going Hot And Cold When It Comes To Love (Here’s Why)

by Anna Kovach, relationship astrologer
Why does the delicious Cancer man seem to be hot one minute and then next thing you know; he’s cold or quiet. Find out why is Cancer man hot and cold.

Is your Cancer man hot and cold and you have no idea what to do about it? You might wonder, are Cancer men players? These are just some of the questions I often get from my clients when dealing with a Cancer man.

These guys are extremely complex in that their nature is extremely sensitive, emotional, and moody. It can be quite difficult to understand where these guys are coming from.

They can be so confusing that you might even think that there is something wrong with you. But never take what a Cancer man does personally, it is usually his own stuff he is carrying around.

This is a subject I can talk about for hours and hours, so if you want to dive deeper and find out more about why is a Cancer man hot and cold, then keep on reading.

Why Is Cancer Man Hot And Cold? 6 Possible Reasons

Cancer men are VERY flirtatious. They are notorious for getting many women interested in him as he’s charming, sexy, and knows what to say to get attention. This is natural sex appeal.

He’s already good-looking so this draws a woman in but then he starts laying on the “nice” comments and making himself seem like he’s interested. This can at times; be a game he is playing.

Sorry to say but; Cancer men are game players that can manage to hurt women unintentionally. He normally wouldn’t try to hurt anyone. However; he doesn’t understand that when he is “too nice”; he leads women on.

He doesn’t get it when a woman becomes very upset with him for not having followed through with all the flirting he was doing with her. He thinks maybe she shouldn’t have bought too much into it.

The thing is; she might not have been that into him if he hadn’t laid that charm on in a thick layer. He needs to learn to be more conscious of leading women on when his general intention isn’t as such.

When he’s into a woman though; he’ll lay it on that much thicker. He’ll go all out to make the woman feel as though she’s the only one in his world. However if she sees how he talks to other women; she’ll question his honesty.

1. Moody Fellas

To be honest; Cancer men are very emotionally driven people which can make them moody. They change moods like they change underwear. You never are really certain which mood you’re going to get each day.

This can make him swing from being happy and in love to feeling despair and that things are not going the way he wanted. Then he may go back to being so in love that he can’t think straight.

His feelings are almost like being Bi-Polar. He doesn’t often know what mood he’s going to be in either. This makes him constantly question himself, his devotion, the woman he cares for, and whether or not the relationship is worth his efforts.

If your Cancer man has gone cold out of the blue; wait a little while and see if it changes again. If it’s his mood; he’ll likely get himself back together and be normal again. Try not to jump to any conclusions.

However; if he seems to really pull back; there may be a bigger issue than just his mood and it would be worth talking to him to find out what is going on. That is; if you can even get him to open up.

2. He’s Scared Of Relationships

Naturally, if a Cancer man has been horribly emotionally wounded; he will react when he gets too close to someone. He will especially do this if he’s gone into a relationship far too quickly.

He’ll suddenly realize he went too fast and doesn’t really know what he is doing nor does he really know the person he got involved with. This freaks him out and he starts going backwards.

Some of them will even try to get their new partner to go back to being friends for awhile while they get to know each other better. This isn’t fair to the woman and is very confusing for sure.

My best advice here is to make sure you take your time with a Cancer man. Don’t let him go to fast because if you do; this could very well happen to you then you’ll be the one writing in asking why he’s doing this.

He gets excited and he is in love with love itself. So the prospect of falling in love with someone new turns him on and is why he easily falls into a relationship when he should really take his time.

If he is gently reminded that it’s best to pace the relationship so that it can grow in a healthy way; he’ll abide by it and he’ll learn from it. He may even keep to it without ever going cold.

The bottom line with the Cancer man is that his habits need to be observed. You need to take it slow with him. Be nice and easy and you could prevent a disaster. Don’t assume that because he’s flirting or being nice that he likes you.

3. The Relationship Is Moving Too Fast

As is the case for most people; if you move too quickly; you’re likely to end up figuring out that you’re not in love; you’re in infatuation. Cancer man is a romantic and it’s easy for him to “fall in love”.

The problem is; he may not actually be in love. He feels something new, wonderful, tempting, and enjoyable. This makes him want to dance circles with his new partner into the night.

Once he starts to get to know this partner he jumped in so quickly; he’ll start to see that maybe she isn’t all that he thought she was or that she’s just different. This can either lead to deeper love or it could lead to fear.

His fears of “maybe I’m not good enough” or “she’s not what I’m looking for” steps onto the scene and it makes him start to retreat into his shell. He knows that he was too hasty and yet he isn’t sure how to handle it.

While he’s trying to figure it out; he’s going to clam up, stop being as affectionate, perhaps stops trying to make plans, or says things that indicates he’s unhappy with his life. He may not be direct as far as not happy with you.

Whatever his motive if it’s fear or if it’s regret for not having taken it slowly; he’ll not know how to cope with what he’s done nor whether he wants to continue with it or break up.

4. He Isn’t Really Interested In You

Though a Cancer man can get caught up romancing a woman; he can also realize what he’s doing is probably not the right thing if he knows he won’t commit to this person.

Many Cancer men are players until they’re ready to settle down. Therefore they’ll go ahead and charm as many women as they can. The problem with this is that the women become more invested in him than he is in them.

When he realizes that is going on; he’ll sort of freak out and in attempt to not hurt anyone; he’ll just decide to back down or out. He’s not the best at being forthcoming or honest with what he’s really doing.

If you find that he was laying it on thick and then suddenly ghosts you; it’s possible that he was just trying to see what you were like and what he could get from you then moved on.

This particularly happens if you dive into bed with him right away. Beware, Cancer men are very hard to resist in the bedroom. They’re genius when it comes to seducing a woman.

When a Cancer man loves you truly; he will stick around and not give you the “cold shoulder”. That’s how you can tell if he wants you or if he is only in it temporarily; if it all.

Check out here other signs a Cancer man is not interested in you<<

5. There Is Another Woman

I hate to even go here but it can and does happen with the Cancer man. He’s always on the lookout for “the one”. Even when he has her; he often doesn’t really 100% realize it.

He’s so busy looking everywhere else that he doesn’t realize that “the one” is someone he chooses to be. He’s looking for specific qualities and unless he feels 100% committed to someone; his eyes are still checking out other women.

Some Cancer men will even go through the trouble of having an affair if they think someone else may be what he’s looking for. Naturally 9 times out of 10; they aren’t and so they try begging their way back in with their partner.

They realize that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. His partner however; is now left trying to figure out if she should give him another chance or not. It’s different in every situation but still not a fun situation to be in.

If your Cancer guy has found someone else he is thinking may be the right one for him; it certainly will make him shut himself off from you. This includes the standard, no calls, no texts, no social media, etc.

6. When A Cancer Man Is Confused About His Feelings

It could be that your Cancer man has been deeply wounded before and so he’s overly cautious. He falls in love, he becomes terrified, he starts to feel safe and good then he freaks out again.

This could go on multiple times before he finally heals what ails him then is able to move on as well as forward with the partner he’s with. So if you noticed he’s like a yo-yo with you; it may be past baggage bringing him down.

If he keeps in contact with you; you may want to talk to him and tell him that you’re there for him. When he tries to ghost you; tell him how you feel about it, tell him how you feel about him and what you want in the relationship.

Ask him how he’s feeling about you, ask him what you can do to help ease his pain, and what he sees happening with your future together. It’s always best to open up and be honest with each other.

Cancer men want a secure future with someone. They are filled with fear even though they may seem confident and sure of themselves. They are fantastic actors and why they’re so good at charming.

If you KNOW he feels for you, make sure that he really wants to be with you by asking him. Don’t let yourself hang in limbo!

Read next: What Happens When You Ignore a Cancer Man

Cancer Man Confusing Me With His Hot And Cold Behavior — What Should I Do?

There are some pretty clear signs when a Cancer man is in love with or, or if he only wants to be your friend. Sometimes a Cancer man will pull away when he has strong feelings for a woman. It might confuse you at first, but he is a lot easier to read than he might think. Don’t let him play you into believing that he isn’t interested in you.

My suggestion with a Cancer man is to always try to take it slow with him. Make him work for it because remember you are worth a lot more than you can imagine, so stick it out and see if HE is actually worth your time.

Show him your generous nature and how amazing you really are and that you aren’t going to leave him. That’s all that’s really required here. Soon he’ll realize that he doesn’t need to test you to gain your affection. Be your normal self and show him who you are on the inside. He wants a woman who is everything.

By everything I mean empathetic, sweet, caring, and secure. He wants someone he can trust to always be honest with him and yet someone who knows how to speak to his heart.

When he doesn’t speak up, respond quickly enough, or seem to disappear for a day or two, be patient. Don’t think the worst. Just send a text that lets him know you’re thinking of him and he should come running!

If he tends to ignore your texts, learn about the number one reason a Cancer man avoids your texts <<

How To Handle A Cancer Man Going Hot And Cold?

It can be heartbreaking when you have fallen for a Cancer man and he has suddenly gone cold. You might not know what to do about it and this can be really frustrating and heartbreaking.

I have some useful guidelines you can follow on how to handle a Cancer man going hot and cold with you.

Be Patient And Give It Time

As you know by now, Cancer men can be extremely moody. Their emotions are up and down, much like the Moon which happens to be their ruling planet. They need to feel their feelings, it is so important.

However, if you are pressuring a Cancer man to give you attention or wanting to know what has gone wrong, you might actually be pushing him away and making him feel really uncomfortable.

It is so important that you be patient and give him time to sort out how he is feeling. It could be that the relationship has become too much for him and he needs a break.

Show him how understanding you are by being patient and giving the whole situation the time it needs. There is no point in rushing things.

Be Supportive And Understanding

When you notice your Cancer man going hot and cold it is important that you be understanding of him. You can’t take this personally or else it is going to drive you crazy.

Show him that you are understanding of him and that he might need space. Be supportive of what he needs and listen to what he is asking of you. If he needs space, give it to him.

He might be going through something, so it is important that you don’t put too much pressure on the situation. This will also make matters worse and you might actually push him away when all he needed was space.

Be Independent And Do Your Own Thing

It is important that you show your Cancer man that you have your own life and that you won’t allow his moods to affect you. Do what you need to do to keep your own sanity.

See your friends, go exercise, focus on your work, plan a trip, whatever, just so that you can take your mind off the situation and not let it affect you so negatively. This should help you to build better confidence and help you to get your hot and cold Cancer man to miss you.

Are Cancer Men Players?

Taking into consideration how moody and up and down Cancer men can be, it is quite possible that the thought of a Cancer man being a player has crossed your mind.

It is easy to see why when he is acting quite inconsistently at times. But truth be told, it is very rare for a Cancer man to be a player. He is someone who wants to settle down with just one person. He is looking for his soulmate.

This man really wants commitment and to grow old with someone who he loves. When a Cancer man meets the right woman, he is all in and will give her everything she could ever desire.

He is definitely not a player, don’t you worry!

Stop Crying Yourself To Sleep About Your Cancer Man…

It can be SO painful to worry about how to make things work with a Cancer man who won’t commit.

I know. I’ve been there with many of my friends dating Cancer guys. I remember my very close friend crying herself to sleep at night, worried that her man would never commit to her.

She lost sleep, time, and even work hours, all because she couldn’t figure out how to capture his heart and get him to commit.

As a friend, it was hard to watch her go through that. But I knew how good he was for her, and I didn’t want her to give up on him.

Even when our other friends were telling her to move on, I could see that he was the most incredible man she had ever met.

How could she just give up on that?

But it wasn’t easy. It took a LOT of work.

She had to learn how to speak a different language… his love language <<

And it worked!!

So if you are ready to sleep like a baby… Knowing your Cancer man is MADLY in love with you… And never feel anxious about him again…

>> Go here now and learn to speak your Cancer man’s love language. 

xoxo, Anna

About Author

Hi, this is Anna Kovach. I am a professional Relationship Astrologer and author of dozens of bestselling books and programs. For over a decade I’ve been advising commitment-seeking women like you and helping them understand, attract and keep the man of their dreams using the astonishing power of astrology. Join over 250K subscribers on my newsletter or follow me on social media! Learn more about me and how I can help you here.

16 thoughts on “Cancer Man Going Hot And Cold When It Comes To Love (Here’s Why)

  1. This article speaks to exactly what I have been experiencing with a cancer guy.
    I like him so much, he says he likes me very much, yet it moves so slowly. Which I guess I can deal with.
    However, he does go quiet on and off and he said its bc of his moods, or feeling sad, angry or depressed.
    He’s an open book with me. So that part is great, at least I know what is going on. I try to be patient however, it is hard bc I want the connection consistently as I have real feelings for him. We have talked for five months or more, went out, hung out, etc
    We are great when we are together, but he said he wants to see me more and wishes we lived closer. I feel the same, wish I could see him much more.
    Its just hard.
    And he has mentioned other random girls, or a dating app, in a very indirect way a few times, I am not sure what the intent is with doing that. Why would he tell me anything like that?
    He also said he was not having relations with anyone else, I didn’t ask he just said that when we’re were talking in general about liking each other and feelings.
    He also mentioned a while back he was going to go on a date but didn’t bc he thought of me, that was months ago. But I believe he is still active on a dating app now. I’m not sure.
    I promised myself if my heart started to hurt in this, I would walk away. It doesn’t hurt per say, but I’m lonely when he goes recluse, in a way that I miss him. I have a life and am busy, but I genuinely miss him if he goes quiet. Siiigghhh…

    1. Hi Lisa rin!

      Wow, it would certainly seem that he’s trying to be totally honest as per telling you about girls and the dating app. Then he saves it by saying he’s not having relations with anyone else. The thing is, if he’s still active on the app, you need to flat out ask him for exclusivity which would mean taking the app off. Tell him if neither of you are seeing anyone else then it just makes sense. If he refuses to do so then he’s trying to keep his options open. Then you have to ask yourself if you want to be the real deal or if you want to be an option. Trust in yourself!

  2. Hi Anna,

    Thanks for the great article. I’m currently experiencing this situation with a cancer guy, we’ve been talking for around 3 weeks and at first he was really keen to hang out with me and our conversation was flowing really well before our first date. But then after our first date he didn’t text me for ages, so I decided to text him, but then he started replying very slowly. I straight up told him that he can tell me if he’s not into me in that way and that I wouldn’t mind being friends, but then he sent me an explanation saying how he’s been very busy with apartment hunting and not getting much sleep so he hasn’t been active on social media. His response seemed pretty sincere so I decided to keep talking to him. He was still replying very slow and ended up seening my message so I just didn’t
    Try messaging again. Then like three days later he messaged me again and started replying very fast and seemed very interested in talking to me again. He then asked me to hang out again and I ended up going to his apartment at night after a night out. Then after this hang out he still didn’t text me afterwards, so I had to text him first. We exchanged a few texts and now he hasn’t responded to me in two days. I’m Not sure if he just needs space or if he’s just playing me. We do get along really well and he does seem to like me, but I’m not sure if I should keep trying as he’s so hot and then cold, it’s exhausting. I do really like him though and would 100% be keen to be with him but I just don’t know if I can keep dealing with his on and off attitude. I just miss when we talked very consistently and I’m confused to as in why his attitude has changed so much. There’s a few signs that does show he likes me, but I’m just really confused. Any advice would be appreciated thank you

    1. Hi Ren!

      Thank you sweetheart. It’s my pleasure to write articles for women like you. I think you need to tell him what you told me regarding how you feel. Tell him you feel as though he’s distant and that you miss him. Don’t make it sound like you are making him guilty. You have to do it softly. Telling him you miss him and miss hearing from him will go over far better than “you never reach out anymore”. See the difference? Communication is crucial. Give it a shot and see how it goes.

  3. Been seeing a cancer man for about 4 months and everything was going great. We both didn’t want a r/ship but he would confuse me as he would say certain things. Anyway he made plans to see me one Sunday and around 7 that day told me he was going to do finish up something and make his way back and would let me know when. Anyway he never text me back until the NEXT DAY. Completely stood me up. I was really upset about that and so his last message to me I liked his message and did t respond as I didn’t want my response to be fuelled by my emotions at the time. I texted him 3 days later to talk about how I felt and he was so pissed that I “left him on read” and made me feel like I did something wrong. I ended things and we both left it on a pleasant note I guess I’m just so confused as to how he thinks what he did was ok to do and then mad at me for needing space. I guess they loathe being ignored ? Idk. I miss him so much but I also know I don’t deserve that treatment relationship or not. I think it’s over tho he seemed so cold. A completely different person .. it’s wild

    1. Hi Ro!

      I do believe I would ask him about it. Tell him you felt it was inconsiderate to leave you hanging. Tell him he needs to let you know when he needs space or when he changes his plans. He needs to be very clear. They do hate being ignored, yes. Sometimes it does them some good though. If they really care about you, it gets their attention and they’ll try to chase you to win you back over. Try pulling back a bit and see what happens. If you’d like to know more about what Cancer men are like, check out my books on Cancer Man Secrets.

  4. OMG! The article and the comments are very similar to what I’m experiencing right now!
    I’m a Taurus woman started talking to a Cancer man since 4 months ago in a dating app, then we decided to meet around 1.5 months ago. He already said from the beginning that he doesn’t know if he wants to have kids yet (I have a child) and he asked me to keep searching for someone so we continued as friends with benefits.
    The thing is I’m now doubting what he really wants since he keeps asking me to come to his place every weekends. But whenever he’s texting me he could be really rude and annoying, very different to when we’re meeting each other. At first I didn’t care that much cos I think it’s just the way he’s joking. Just sometimes he went too far and I’m hurt. I’m still searching like what he said, a couple of men keeps asking me for a date but I don’t have a heart to go away from him as I think he’s just a fragile person. I’m so confused of what should I do…

    1. Hi Taurean Girl!

      Wow that is pretty wild isn’t it? Thank you for sharing your story. He sounds like a pretty typical Cancer man. I’d be worried about the relationship never getting out of the “friend with benefits” zone honey. I think that you have a right to have love. Whether he’s fragile or not, he’s not giving you an actual relationship. If he’s cold toward you and being crass it’s because he’s trying to show you he doesn’t want a relationship other than what it is. If I were you, I would tell him what you want. If he states he cannot give it to you then you should move on! Do what’s right for you. Find someone who will give you a beautiful loving relationship. He’ll move on, trust me. I wish you all the luck of the Stars!

  5. Thank you for this wonderful article! I’m going through something similar. I met a nice Cancer guy three weeks ago. We hit it off with compatibility, agree on the bigger items, we have great convos where he told me he feels like he can talk to me about anything, both of us are open to a relationship but also not pressured and we have physical chemistry. I have noticed that he had been pulling back going from messaging me through the day and checking up to less. A couple of days ago he sent me a thoughtful gift. It is something he noticed and I needed for my safety. I sent him a message sweetly thanking him and wishing him a good day. He hasn’t responded and it’s been almost two days. What gives?

  6. Hi Anna,

    Thank you so much, your article has made a few things clear especially with him being hot and cold.
    He is not only a divorcee but he is however have moments where he withdraws totally and what is making our situation extreme it is that we are on a long distance relationship.
    I am trying to be understanding however there are times whereby I need to protect my mental health in this.
    We are taking everything one day at a time & I do try to be understanding alway.

  7. I was JUST dating a Cancer man and it was amazing at first. He’s a single dad and always talks about his son so on two occasions i mentioned how great a father he was and hopefully when he’s comfortable one day hopefully i can meet his son! Well im truly hurt and cried myself to sleep last night because he became distant and i simply asked why he felt distant and he lashed out via text so nastily! He basically stated he didn’t agree with my timeline (which i never gave one) and my expectations and he raises his son alone and nothing will happen unless it’s HIS WAY! He basically made me feel like all we were doing was having sex and that i didn’t matter. We cook together laugh clean together and saw each other often. I’d never date a cancer man again because if me showing i was open and cared to meet his son one day triggered such a NASTY response then he could NEVER be my person. He is 44 with a toddler and should be happy someone as beautiful and loving as me would even entertain this situation!!

    1. Dear Angel,
      Since the Cancer father is one to dote over his son, he’s also one to worry about him constantly. He is a guy that wants him safe and secure.
      Perhaps he misinterpreted your statement as invasive.
      This could make him want to be a little too involved which you may. It could be frustrating for you.
      This proud father will have to learn to balance things otherwise his partner and later his son may resent him at some point. Talking things through with him and agreeing on ground rules may help ease his mind.
      I hope all goes well for you both!

  8. Thank you so much for this article. So I am a cancer Leo cusp so I’m kinda half and half and have dated an extremely emotional cancer and now I’m in a relationship with an ice cold one. It has been 9 months and he was all in super sweet anything I asked for he was there we talked for hours on end. But now he is a total icebox towards me but I’m super sweet, caring trying to be there for him but he is so cold towards me and it hurts. I asked if he even liked me or cared about me and he completely got upset but I mean I don’t know anymore and I feel like I’m wasting my time.. It hurts because every time I ask what’s wrong he says I’m amazing. I tried to apologize as I wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings and it’s just been cold ever since and this was a couple weeks ago. I feel like I should let this ride into the sunset because I don’t deserve to be treated like this.

    1. Dear Melly Russ,
      First, you should do some investigation. If he’s just fluffing around, let him know you have options, too. That should do the trick! You can simply ask him to tell you in a non-confrontational way why he is acting distant. There should be a reason behind it.
      Encourage him to tell you about his feelings for you. Have you unintentionally hurt him? You could also engage him by doing activities together, which he usually loves and enjoys. It will also bring him closer to you.
      Most of the time, it’s probably not as personal as it feels. Give things some time to develop, and as he begins to spend more time with you, they could draw closer and closer. Lean back, focus on your own life, and do the things you love instead of waiting around for him.
      Best of luck to you!

  9. Hi, I lohed yoir article!

    So, I have dated several camcers. Two. Was amazing and not problematic till i started to date this one. I am a Taurus btw.

    So we excanged messages iver two months, werent planning to date, also told him that, since he is way younger but we were friendly.
    He knew I was dating and looking for a guy and etc. One day we met, i drove him to his parents to het a car, helped him with moving….and on that day we kissed and it was electric. From then on ot was electric and intense for like two weeks. We slept only after a week, but i stsyed at his place he at mine, we live few minutes away from each other by foot. But he is out of relationship of 4 years, like 4 month agox now 6. I didnt pay attention to it, since I was sure he is in to me. However, he went colder and collder. His ex, she broke up with him afyer 4 years….they have business together, and a dog, and a car he takes sometimes, and the dog sometimes. So, he wanted me to be more chill, and we havent talked for 3 days. It was my bday. At first he put it in his calendar to remind himself, but when things got cold, he only texted me congratulations and he is happy he met me. I am not sure what to make out of it cause at first he was so perfeft, but then I was the one who was trying to meet and hang out and be romantic and he was just there led , but wasnt actuve about it, and the sparkle and how he used to treat ne went off. Ot was intense, but it was from his side as well! Dont know if he just thinking about her, or he thinks it is too fast, but it more feels like he lost interest since he stopped also asking me questions and tey to get to know me.

    1. Dear Anna,
      While he’s trying to figure things out; you can offer a friendship with him. This helps open the doorway so that you can find a healthy way back to each other. There is NO guarantee that it will turn back to romance but it may help.
      Sometimes being friends from scratch again will allow you two to get to know each other as though you’ve met for the first time. It helps with communication and may help romance blossom again if the love remains.
      Cancer men are attached to their past. They have a hard time letting go.
      Again; friendship can turn into other things if there is love there. Let him go and see if he willingly comes back when the time is right or IF he truly loves you.
      I hope all goes well for you both.
      Sending Love!

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